5:15 AM Update

Last night, I hit my breaking point.

I called Chad (he is traveling this week but will be home tonight) and ugly cried over this:

With the craziness of this week, I had completely forgot about Caylee addressing Valentines.  When we went to Wal Mart on Monday, she wanted to get Goldfish instead of paper Valentines for her class.  I told her we would look on Pinterest for a cute label with a cute saying and we would fix up a cute little valentine for her classmates.  Fast forward to Wednesday night.  I had little ink in the printer, no labels, and no patience.  We didn't get home until 8:30 from baseball.  She stayed with my MIL and when I came home, I found her working on her Valentines.  I felt like my heart hit my kitchen floor.  I've let her down.  I so wanted her Valentines to be "pinterest worthy" but simple but given the Hell I have been living in this week, it didn't happen.  I felt like a failure.

I called Chad and lost it as soon as he said hello.  I told him that I was so mad about Caylee getting lice again; so mad that I am doing everything humanly possible to get rid of the darn things yet I still found two nits in her head at bedtime (he thinks they are left over and dead since I flat iron her hair every morning); so mad that my days have spent covered in laundry and I can't get everything else done; so mad that I had to take the jeep in AGAIN for the same problem; so mad that something always happens when he is out of town.

When I regained my composure, I apologized for losing it and reminded myself out loud that I am a blessed woman and that this has knocked me down but I am not out (yet).  Caylee doesn't have cancer, we have another car to drive, and I don't have the added stress of going to a job outside of our home on top of dealing with all of this.

When I discovered the lice the first time she got it last fall, my friend told me to wash all bedding daily until we are certain they are gone.  I have been washing sheets, blankets, and mattress pads for Carson and Caylee's beds (I treated Carson as a preventative) EVERY DAY plus we are switching towels out daily and I am washing everything that comes in their contact (jackets, clothes, etc).  It is wearing me down.  I don't know how much longer I can do this.  I have to treat Caylee again at the end of the week but I am going to call her doctor later this morning to see if I can go ahead and do another one.

Once I calmed down and said goodbye to Chad, I turned to my guilty pleasure: Parenthood on Netflix.  I had another ugly cry because of what happened in one of the episodes!  I made it through that episode and had to turn it off.  I finally closed my eyes at 11:30PM but tossed and turned.  I have no idea what time I fell asleep but I know what time I woke up.

Elmer woke me up barking.  Thanks.  Thanks a lot.

I got up and let him out and fed him and laid back down but tossed and turned again.  I finally got up for good at 4AM and I am already on my second cup of coffee.  I was still very upset over the Valentines so I went to the Avery  site and downloaded a template for labels.  Even though I was out of labels, I cut the paper as if it were a label and taped it to the bag.  I don't want to hurt Caylee's feelings and throw away the post it notes so I left them.  This was my "pinterest mom" project at 4:30AM.

I don't know why the picture is sideways and I don't have the mental stability to try to change it.  Caylee hasn't seen my addition yet; let's hope she forgives me.  

Speaking of Valentine's Day, I was hoping that we could go tubing as a family but Elmer may have other plans for us.  Last fall, he chewed through some wiring on my jeep.  We paid to get it fixed but the jeep is presenting other problems and after five trips to the dealer for service, the problem isn't fixed and they are telling us it is because "a rodent is nibbling on the wires".  After the first time Elmer chewed, we rerouted the fence so that he can't get to my jeep so we aren't convinced that is the problem.  I picked the car up yesterday and as soon as we got onto the road, the warning lights came back on (4WD and cruise control will not work).  On top of all this, my high beams weren't working and my bluetooth went out.  I sat out in the jeep late last night trying to figure out what was going on and finally did.  They reset some settings and it threw everything out of whack.  Thanks. Thanks a lot Jeep dudes.

I just finished my second cup of coffee and load number 2 for the day is ready to go into the dryer.  My plans for the day are to take the jeep back to dealer, volunteer at the kids' school, more laundry, then afternoon pickup and dance.  Chad comes home late tonight.  Let's hope I can stay awake to greet him.  

If anyone has a white flag, I am ready to wave it.